JEZEBEL:
Heya, Avid Fans! Welcome once again to Cat and Muse. The producer and our cliche-speaking straight woman Melpomene is on vacation, so it’s just li’l ol’ me here at the controls. Be gentle, sweeties. It’s…my first time.

I so can’t pull that off. Even I’m rolling my eyes.

Without further ado, let me introduce our next guest. If Mel were here, she’d introduce this person with a line about beauty being in the eye of the beholder. Our guest is the star of EVERY CROOKED POT, Renee Rosen’s powerful debut. Publishers Weekly says “this absorbing first novel traces the struggles of a disfigured girl growing up in Akron, Ohio” and that “Rosen evokes her setting with a wealth of details”—and concludes that readers “will empathize with the narrator’s unique situation as a concentrated form of universal worries about finding acceptance, dealing with loss and leaving home.”

Avid Fans, give a hot, hot, hot round of applause for Nina Goldman!

[APPLAUSE]

Heya, Nina!

NINA:
Hey there, Jez. That was some intro. Thanks!

JEZ:
You’re welcome! So…a lovable misfit born with a disfiguring birthmark on her eye embarks on a journey for self-acceptance, accompanied by her eccentric quirky, Midwestern family. My my. What was the worst part of it for you?

NINA:
Growing up with a strawberry birthmark over my eye.

JEZ:
Yeah, you’d probably have been better off with something sexier on a different part of your body…

NINA:
You know, as a kid, it doesn’t take much to be the outcast. You could be the kid who was too tall, or too short, too fat, too skinny…

JEZ:
…or the ’ho…

NINA:
For me, I was the girl with the big purple eye. I got teased a lot and the kids at school called me names, like Big Eye, Little Eye.

JEZ:
Children are vicious creatures. I love them. Especially with ketchup.

NINA:
Some of the boys even barked at me. Even after I underwent all those medical treatments and my eye was pretty much “fixed,” I continued to think it ruined the rest of me. And really, the saddest and most ridiculous part about my situation was that in the end, my eye didn’t bother anyone but me.

JEZ:
If you give me names, I’d be happy to have some of my former associates pay a housecall on them.

NINA:
Aw Jez, that’s sweet of you to offer, but I believe in karma. What goes around comes around, you know what I mean?

JEZ:
Heh. Indeed I do. Let’s talk style. What’s your favorite outfit?

NINA:
I prefer Levi’s.

JEZ:
I think I’m more of a Calvin’s girl. Me and Brooke: nothing comes between us and our Calvins. Especially when we’re not talking about jeans. Anything else you like to wear?

NINA:
My big brother’s army coat.

JEZ:
Nice. I love the cover of EVERY CROOKED POT—it’s very striking. Is that you?

NINA:
[NODS] For the longest time, I wore my hair over half of my face, just like Veronica Lake.

JEZ:
I think Ronnie just didn’t want to take the time to put makeup on both eyes. All right, let’s get to the nitty gritty: What’s your romantic fantasy?

NINA:
That someone would look at me and fall in love with me at first sight.

JEZ:
Awwwww. So, in EVERY CROOKED POT, were there any parts of the story where you were like, Renee, sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

NINA:
Renee and I are pretty much in sync, but she did embarrass me a lot throughout the book.

JEZ:
Yeah, Creators do [BLEEP] like that. [GLARES MEANINGFULLY AT COMPUTER]

NINA:
I felt like I wasn’t allowed to have any secrets. She really made me tell all.

JEZ:
So if you had your way, what would you change about EVERY CROOKED POT?

NINA:
I’d be a little less naked on the page.

JEZ:
[COUGHS] Not that there’s anything wrong with being naked on the page…

NINA:
I wouldn’t tell everyone about all the crushes I had on all the boys. And I wouldn’t have gotten my heart broken by Michael.

JEZ:
Speaking of Michael…when you were going at it like bunnies, who was on top?

NINA:
I think we go back and forth but in the beginning, it was definitely Michael who was on top.

JEZ:
If you could make Renee do anything, what would it be?

NINA:
Take a vacation!

JEZ:
Heh. Creators aren’t known for doing that, are they? Tell me one thing in the real world that you wish you could change.

NINA:
Only one thing?

JEZ:
Sorry…

NINA:
I wish we could eat chocolate all day without consequences.

JEZ:
A girl after my own heart! So if EVERY CROOKED POT goes Hollywood, who should play you in the movie?

NINA:
If it were up to me, I’d just cast Patrick Dempsey in all roles.

JEZ:
[SNORTS LAUGHTER]

NINA:
But seriously, I think Sandra could be Reese Witherspoon or possibly Hilary Swank, and I think Adrien Brody would make a fine Artie.

JEZ:
And what about your role?

NINA:
That’s really tricky. What I need is a young Natalie Portman, ala Beautiful Girls.

JEZ:
Finally, if you could be Evil for one day, and you were granted spiffy Evil powers, what would the powers be and how would you use them?

NINA:
I think I would like to read peoples minds. But just for a day!

JEZ:
Duly noted! Boys and girls, give it up for the star of Renee Rosen’s powerful EVERY CROOKED POT…Nina Goldman!

[APPLAUSE]

You can purchase EVERY CROOKED POT at Amazon.com, B&N.com, and at fine bookstores near you.

Remember, you have until midnight, October 30, to enter into the Hit the ROAD pre-order sweepstakes! And, as always: love your inner demon.

Ta!