Here are the things I’m hoping to see in HEROES season three. Quick — go tell Tim Kring!

Adam versus Sylar in an Evil Death-Match from Hell. Who’s badder? The megalomaniacal samurai Methuselah, or the batshit crazy former watchmaker and current brain slurper? My money’s on Sylar. Adam might call the whole thing off over a pint.

Hiro gets in touch with his inner Highlander. He’s got the sword. He’s got the sidekick. All he needs is the slogan: “There can be only one: YATTA!”

The last Wonder Twin takes the form of a corpse. Yay, Maya got shot point-blank in the chest! Boo, Mohinder saved her! Next time, let her and her gravity-defying boobs die. Die, die, die.

Peter gets a clue. Come on, he’s cute and lovable, and tends to explode when under stress. And he forgets his girlfriend in a future that never will be. What’s not to love? Oh, right: the way he forgets he can do pretty much everything (or he forgets pretty much everything), and so he does shit the hard way. (Why phase through an impenetrable safe? I can just use my telekinesis to painstakingly unlock it and give myself a nosebleed!) The way he trusts the absolutely worst people to trust. (Why read Adam’s mind to see if he’s lying to me when I can just follow him like a lost puppy and believe everything he says?) The way his brother tends to get all close to death when he sticks around. Pete my boy, you need a fucking clue. Being cute and altruistic won’t hold water for another season, sorry.

Niki stays blowed up. Please, please, please keep her dead. Please. If ever there was a character who was too stupid to live, it’s Niki. For God’s sake, she injected herself with the evil virus, and then was all sorts of shocked that there’s no cure. Hail and farewell, blondie.

Molly and Micah run away to audition for Jungle Love 2. Okay, or not. But let’s get rid of the kidlets for a season. Hell, their guardians are all too happy to dump them in the name of Plot — Mohinder and Matt left Molly alone with a babysitter for what, something like a week while they ran off to New Orleans and Odessa and all sorts of places, and Niki dumped Micah with relatives while she went off to seek a cure for stupidity. Lose the kids and focus on the adults…otherwise, they might have to go the way of Walt on LOST and get kidnapped and then taken off the island to go grow up somewhere and live happily ever after in the land of syndication.

Matt remembers he has a day job. What is it about cops with powers who forget that in the midst of trying to save the world, they still need a pay check to take care of the rent?

Claire becomes a vampire. What? Don’t you see the irony? She’s already on her way to becoming immortal. And people long for her blood. If she becomes a Creature of Darkness [TM] then her blood will infect people with vampirism! It’s beautiful, I tell you! And the first one she’ll suck down like a slurpee is Mr. Muggles.

Mohinder Suresh gets paralyzed, goes bald, and buys a mansion in Westchester. And he’ll invite all the Heroes to come train there, and they will become…the S-Men. (Hugh Jackman joins the cast during February sweeps.)

Did I miss anything?