Kids Plotting, I’m Going Crazy
I’ve decided that the Precious Little Tax Deductions are plotting to drive me batshit insane.
ME: Stop throwing the ball in the house!
TAX DEDUCTION THE ELDER: We’re not throwing it.
ME: How do you explain how the ball is so high in the air?
TDTE: It bounced.
ME: Stop bouncing the ball in the house!
TAX DEDUCTION THE YOUNGER: We didn’t know.
ME: Now you know. Stop bouncing the ball in the house.
TDTE: So we can throw it now?
ME: NO.
TDTE: So what can we do?
ME: Something else. Something without balls.
TDTY: Can we go on the computer?
ME: No.
TDTY: Can we watch TV?
ME: No.
TDTY: You’re mean.
ME: No, I’m your mom. HEY! STOP THROWING THE BALL IN THE HOUSE!
TDTE: I didn’t throw it.
ME: ((Too enraged to speak.))
TDTE: I rolled it. And it bounced. By accident.
ME: ((Muttering)) Don’t kill the children. Killing them would be bad. Don’t kill the children. Killing them would be bad.
((SOMETHING CRASHES))
TDTE and TDTY: Oops.
All this, plus strep throat. Well, at least I won’t be yelling at the kids. Too much.
He drives me nuts!!! 
