…and odd things are happening. First, there’s the gremlin that stole my latest royalty statement. Oh, no, wait — that’s just me being messy. I’ll find it.

No, the weird thing was when I was outside with Tax Deduction the Elder, waiting to get him on the school bus. Sure, all the kids and parents were there, as usual…but there was this one person, all the way at the end of the block, whom I didn’t recognize. Sort of shuffling, like he (she?) couldn’t walk too fast. Maybe s/he was too athletic last night with an S.O. and had trouble walking today.

I know, it sounds silly, but in a family-centered neighborhood like mine, we tend to get a sense of who lives here and who’s visiting. And this person…well, it sounds goofy, but something about the person just made me feel uncomfortable. Maybe it was because it looked like his…um, her?…skin was all pasty and crap, like icky gross I-wanna-be-a-vampire-in-my-next-unlife sort of way. And I think I saw waves of odor wafting off of, um, it.

Huh. Maybe Loving Husband spiked my coffee or something.

Anyway, we got the kids on the bus and off to school; Loving Husband and Tax Deduction the Younger went off to pre-K and then the office, I said goodbye to the neighbors and then went inside to set up shop for the day.

But not before I saw the shuffling stranger…I swear to God…sniff the air. Weirdness, huh?

Anyway, time to do my work. (After I lock the door. Feeling incredibly paranoid today. Guess it’s the whole Friday the 13th thing…)

8:57 am: Update

So I did what I usually do first thing: scan my fellow Leaguers’ blogs. And lo, Jaye had something about waking up to find herself in the midst of a Zombie Apocalypse. Seriously.

I think my friend Jaye needs help. And I don’t mean because ha-ha-zombies are swarming her neighborhood. Jaye, honey? Get thee to a nice, quiet place with white, padded walls and take a nice vacay…

9:29 am: Update

Now Anton’s losing it too. He just blogged at the League about there being zombies in the street. I mean, he even pulled out the League Emergency Preparedness Guide. And that’s a Code-1 offense if there aren’t really zombies about to make with the slurping of brains and stuff like that there. And the thing is, there’s no such thing as zombies. Seriously. We have the Guide just to keep Mark happy.

What’s wrong with everyone today? I know, it’s Friday the 13th, but they’re blogging like it’s the end of the world…

Hang on. Just heard some sort of commotion outside. Back in a bit…

9:56 am: Update!!!
ZOMGWTFBBQ, there are freaking ZOMBIES outside!!! That shuffling dude just ATE MY NEIGHBOR. (Which, cough, isn’t really such a bad thing, considering how inconsiderate that jackass could be–mowing the lawn at 5 in the morning, loud parties until all hours on a school night…the fucking dog that just would not shut up…)

The police showed up — that was the commotion…and they tried to arrest the zombie. And the zombie bit them, duh, and now THE POLICE ARE ZOMBIES. They’re bellowing shit like OPEN UP IN THE NAME OF THE JAW. They’re not just zombies. They’re zombies with BAD SENSES OF HUMOR. I guess that comes with being newly dead and all…

CRAP, they’re banging on the front door. WHERE THE HELL IS MY LEAGUE EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS GUIDE???

10:08 am: Update

Now the zombies ate the annoying dog. So there’s a bright side to all of this…

12:04 pm: Still alive

I’m still here. I’m up in the office, buried in books and papers, still trying to find my fucking Guide. But I did find out (the hard way) that zombies really don’t like paper. Or maybe it’s urban fantasy they find distasteful. When one flesh-eater shuffled its way into the office, I shoved my copy of INCUBUS DREAMS down its throat. It choked on in long enough for me to knock its head clean off (really, messily off) with my handy dandy Louisville Slugger.

Jackie Kessler: Saved by Anita Blake. You heard it here first.

Thankfully, I have the rest of the AB series right here. Come on, you fuckers. I’ve got NARCISSUS IN CHAINS just waiting for you…

**scrambles to try to find the thrice-damned League guide**